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My day off work today, it was heaven. I took my daughter to the doctor because she has been throwing up since Friday. We were told the usual. "there's nothing wrong with you!" It's amazing how we can have all these body aches and ailments, and yet it is all in our head, uh, fancy that?
I was at clinic tonight, very busy, the usual suspects were there. Every kind of illness you could imagine, from hemorrhoids to St Vitus dance, and then on to consumption, and a raging bunyon. We had to get blood form a lady who was rather hefty, but amazingly her veins were like fine lace threads. It was a major task involving three of us to draw just a syringe of the vital fluid. Her complaint was a numbness in her thigh. After constant pressing to find her history, it turned out she had been shot in 1980, by a stray bullet, and thought that might be the reason why she had a recurring bunyon.

Tonight after I got home I was complaining to my missus about an ingrown toenail I have on the toe that went to market, not the one that went weeweeweewee all the way home. Anyway she suggested that I soak my toe in the bath,a nd then rub Vit E on it. While I was standing in the bath, up to my knees in water, just in case, she was upstairs with my daughter. i popped out to the porch to get a file and some sandpaper to sharpen the nail scissors. After the soak I went to work trimming up the dastardly ingrower, and walked out into the living room, where my missus was now sitting. I said, "oh relief at last", she turned and saw me standing there with a carpenters rasp file and a disc from the electric sander, and burst out laughing thinking I'd used them to fix my toe. She said "you silly old bugger, you didn't use them did you, you daft old sod," she has a way with words, my wife.

Back to the grind the morrow, adidas, I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaccckkkkkkkkkk!

Hello folks, here is my new site, and as you can see by the big long list of postings down below, I have moved everything over from Xanga, even the kitchen sink, and that old smelly sock. So keep looking, if indeed, anybody is.

Saturday, January 28, 2006
What a day, the first day of route checks. All we had to do today was record everything on a piece of paper, easy, not so. Absolutely everything had to be put down, even if you farted, and took a moment to basque in the pleasure of it's aroma, it had to be put down. Keep in mind that this is the Post Office, so nothing is just simply written down, it has to all be in abbreviations, and wierd numbers. As an example, if I needed to go to the bathroom, I had to put down 'line 21A- pleasure stop.'. Then, if on my way back from the toilet, I was jumped upon by a supervisor, wanting to know, "where the bloody hell have you been Sharp?" Before I could answer I had to put down, 'line 22A- talking to the supervisor.' There wasn't anywhere on the form for me to put down that I was actually working. It was a shambles at the clock, with everyone lolling about trying to figure out what the hell to do, without getting in trouble. Then when we got back in from the street, there were comments made on our sheets, telling us what we did wrong, but it was written in mumbo jumbo, a language that only route checkers at the USPS understand, and they had all gone home! It's amazing to hear the comments even the most quiet of mailmen make. ; "well they can bloody well shove the form up their ass, as far as I am concerned" or "I spent 25 minutes on line 22, and I don't know why, plus they rushed me out of the toilet before I could squeeze one off."
The weekend is here, tonight is ripe for ripened grape. We may even go to an art opening on the far side of town, just for a brief moment, until the free wine and cheese has gone. Last night the missus and I went down the street to the gallery next to the Blue Note. There was an opening there, and lots of wine. We couldn't stay too long though, plus it was raining and cold. All the people there were new to us, except for the owner, who reminded me about the last time I was in there, and almost got into a fight with a fella who claimed he owned Jimmy Hendrix's Mercedes. I was mortified of course, that I could have caused such a melee, in an art gallery, and have no memory of it. Then he told me that the fella was a troublemaker, and he was eventually man-handled out of there by a gay guy friend of the owner, hardly a notch in my belt. I remember bits of the happenings, after sitting down and thinking about it, I think I told the fella that if he had Hendrix's MB, then I had King Tut's bicycle at home, which may have started some kind of machismo "who has the best celebrity's mode of transport argument."
I still haven't been able to run, my foot is bugging me, even after the foot doctor told me I was perfectly fine. It doesn't help that I walk 12 miles every day in work, but it should be healing, it was only a pulled ligament, so I say. I tried running the other day, just a little jog back to my mailtruck. I looked more like Joe Cocker in the middle of "all along the watchtower", and it was painful. It will be three weeks on Wednesday since I last run, and a big hole in my marathon training program, which is in my head and not written down anywhere. I have read that dandelion root is good for ligament and tendon repair, so I reckon that is next on the list of remedies to try.
The missus and wee one just got in with a subway sandwich for us to share, so I am off, so to speak, adidas,
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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Okay, this computer is so slow, I almost gave up even trying to type up a commentary on my day, but unlucky for all of you reading, it finally came up and allowed me the freedom to write, hurrah! Yet again I will start with, "where the bloody bollocks has the week gone?" It seems like only....wait a minute, it was only the other day when I last wrote, oooohhh my head aches.
Work is becoming more and more diabolical every day. The managers are in such a panic over this route check that they are holding talks with us every day for about 30 minutes. They inform us on how we are to do our jobs. All you can hear throughout the talk is "well that's bloody stupid", or, "what a load of horse shit". Hardly constructive comments I'll admit, but the stupidity of what we are supposed to do in the course of delivering the mail, and what has been agreed to by the union, is absurd. Not to worry by the end of next week it will all be over, and the tears will have dried, and the ill spoken words will have been pushed to the back of the mind, only to resurface when needed.
I have been at the church tonight working with the bell choir on the tune we shall be playing for the congregation in two weeks time. The main bell banger is supposed to start ringing, one dong at a time, every four beats, on her own, simple right? Not so, we keep getting a dong on beat 5 or beat 6, but never on beat 4. The only way we could get it to work was to speed up the count and tell her to beat on the 5 count, then we got a beat on 4, but it is way too confusing for me, so I am off on the beginning every time, not to mention that when I start playing the bagpipes, I am supposed to be in a different room, with 2 walls between me and the bells. So how am I going to hear them, and get the pipes up and running, and in on the beat? It's a bloddy balls up sometimes. Not to worry though I am the eternal optimist, and know from experience that no matter how well planned anything is to do with the bagpipes, it is going to be a complete fiasco. I am sure the loyal sinners will leave at noon with a confused and befuddled mind, asking themselves, "what the hell did I do to deserve that?" Tomorrow I will put my kilt into the cleaners to get a debriding from last years piping melodramas.
My postman truck broke down today. While I was delivering to my businesses, I could smell a fishy whiff going on. I thought it was from the package I had for the Chinese take away I deliver to, they often get some odiferous pongifications from the land out east. But then I relaized that Iwas leaving a great big wet trail every where I went. I thought it was transmission fluid, so called the boss to tell him. he told me not to move and there would be a mechanic out in 5 minutes to fix it. One hour later, here he comes, with a great big smile and a spare truck in tow. He says, "Losing tranny fluid are you?" to which I replied, "If tranny fluid smells like most other tranny's I have heard about, then yes." His response was "Uhh!" No offense to all you tranny's reading this, long days give us all a seaside odour now and again. He was a nice bloke, very interested in why a Welsh man was delivering mail in Oklahoma, he almost asked if I'd done something wrong in Blighty and was this my punishment. Anyway it turned out that I had lost all my antifreeze coolant, which explains the fishy smell, ? I hope it takes them a while to fix mine because the replacement was like a hot rod, even all the doors worked, bliss.
I tried to get on blogger tonight and switch all my writings over, but the slowness of this pile of junk stopped me. So for time being, I am here, harry viderche, and beuno vista my compadres,
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Monday, January 23, 2006
I had a great weekend, but it's back to the grind today after three days off. I went to the foot doctor on Friday and he said there was nothing wrong with me, and then charged me $50 for the privelage of being called a malingerer. I have to admit though that I did feel better after he told me to suck it up and be a man.
I managed to get all my papers done for school. The genetics paper was a tart to write, I just hope that the teacher can feel my pain and desperation in the words that I wrote. Over the weekend I went up to the Paseo to help a friend rearrange his studio. Lots of heavy lifting, along with squeaky farts, and tons of junk to throw out. Like everyone in the world, unless anal retentiveness is a passion for you, he has saved all sorts of crap, and stored it under every nook and cranny that was available. I thouroughly enjoyed throwing away all the magazines and calenders from years ago. I had loads of ideas on how he should rearrange and redecorate, but realized after a few times of sharing them, that this is his studio, and he is the artist, he will do it his way. We opened some wine yesterday as we came close to finishing for the day, and wound down the weekend in a happy mood. I even came home with a bowling ball and a record player, he was throwing out.
This is pre-route check week at the PO. there will be all kinds of stress going on among the carriers who have been having it easy all these years with tiny routes. I think Thursday and Friday are designated as dry run days, so we can practice getting it right, what a load of bollocks. Fro the past two route checks I have lived through in my 16 years at the PO, they already know what they are going to cut and add to so this is just pomp and circumstance. I will be baaaaaccckkkkkk
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Where are the days going, they are flying by way too fast for my liking. Yesterday's lecture in genetics was alright, the mean woman stayed at home this week, and friendly helpful lady came to class. I haven't been running for a week, I knackered up my foot last Wednesday. I thought it was a cramp, so I run on another two miles to try and relieve it, that probably made it worse. I am off to see the foot doctor on Friday, hopefull it is just a torn ligament or something, I know for sure that it isn't a sprain, or a twist, (sounds like I am talking about cocktails)
Today was a bugger of a day at work. Aside from my foot giving me gip, and causing all kinds of cuss words to be let forth from my gob whenever I stepped into a hole, it was a skirt alert day too. The wind was up in the region of 100 mph, or at least it felt like it to me. One funny thing happened though, not funny ha,ha, just odd and peculiar. I was half way down 65th street, listening to Boortz on the radio, yelling on and on about the state of the public school system. When all of a sudden this great big Boxer dog ran right in between my legs. He even lifted me off the ground for a moment, if I'd been 5 inches shorter he would have jammed his head up my arse. Then he just stood there with a confused look on his face, grunted, and spat, like Boxers do, then trotted off home. The odd thing is, I have delivered mail to the house he came from for nearly three years, and I never even knew that they had a dog, never heard him bark or anything. I bet that dog has been looking out the window at me every day, just wishing he could get out and jam his head up my bottom. I can see him now, looking out the window and thinking, "rrriiif I ggrrroould get at rrhim, I rrouuld jam my rrrrhead up rrhis rrrarse." For three years he has been waiting, and today was his chance, and he miss-measured the whole thing by 5 inches. I just stood there for a moment afterwards, amazed by the whole thing, I was hoping someone else had seen it, but nobody was around. Could you imagine if he had been successful? I would have been airlifted to the ER with a dog's head rammed up my ass, and the rest of him dangling out the back, talk about embarrassing. Oh well I will have to be on the lookout for him from now on, maybe I'll put a short plank down my pants when I get on that street, just in case.
I haven't had much chance to work on the doll's house this week, what with clinic and school. I have a shit load of papers to research for, and then write. Not too much coming up this weekend except I will be helping a friend on the Paseo rearrange his studio, to make it more welcomimg for visitors, and hopefully make them buy, buy, buy.
Adidas folks, I may not be long for this xanga site, greener pastures await me.......
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Friday, January 13, 2006
Cell Bio is a breeze so far, it is almost like a review of everything I know, so I am not too worried about having to miss some classes. Now genetics that's a different kettle of fish. We were introduced to the fruit fly last night, the common little buggers and those that are not so common, the uppity types, I suppose. Under the microscope they have stripey bodies, black and white, like little umpires. It is by their eyes that you can tell them apart, either red, black, white, or slit eyes. We had to aenesthatize them last night before we could handle them, with something called "fly out", or "fly-be-buggered", something like that. We didn't have to put them in their pyjamas and sing them to sleep anyway, so that was a load off. The teacher started off the lab by demanding to know why we hadn't read the first 9 pages of the book, all about fruit flies, and the terminology to do with genetic mutations. We all sat there looking at her as though she was demented. She was a little peeved that we hadn't had the gumption to know what she wanted us to do, excuse me for not being a bloody mind reader Miss gestapo genetic lady. Hopefully she will calm down when she realizes that genius and student are two things that very rarely go together. I can do this though, my mind is a gaping chasm willing to be filled with all kinds of stuff.
The Post Office........or more precise, the crazy manager we have. Yesterday she told us in a meeting that, according to all the managers in Oklahoma City, we, namely the letter carriers at Britton Rd, were the worst carriers in the entire nation. Yet another pass the buck by management, for a lackluster job. We are 5 people short every day, and have been for over 2 years, and yet we are just a bunch of sucky-lazy, useless, good for nothing but to poop on, pathetic, time wasters. At the end of 2005, the Royal Mail became a competitive force among private companies in the UK, in an attempt to deliver the nations mail. It is only a matter of time before the USA follows suit, IMO. Oh well, if they want to train a bunch of monkeys to do the job they probably could, and some of them would resemble a few of us, so that the customers would barely notice.
Worked on the doll house tonight. As the house gets higher, we put on the second story this evening, I am realizing that my measurements are a little off. The second floor has a distinct slope in it, namely about a half inch form one side to the other. So the little doll who will be living in the house will have to duck down when they go from one room to another. I also had to shave about a half inch off the slope of the roof, so that the roof would be even. If I transferred all this shaving and shimying to a full sized house, I would be off by about 10 feet from one side to the other. It would be like a duplex with basketball players in one side, and a family of circus folk in the other side. Tomorrow I have to set on the roof, and then bake some slates out of clay, with tiny holes in each one so as to nail on. I like a challenge, I just don't always meet it and achieve it with flying colors.
At the hospital yesterday, right before going in for my interview, a man approached me and seemed all excited about my car, the MB. He said that he had one too, at the point I offered him my deepest sympathy. He then went on to say that it had broken down, "no!", I said. The transmission was knackered, and did I want to sell him mine. I told him that his was probably more road worthy in the condition it was in than mine was. he was a nice bloke though, I told him about all the mechanics I had seen with my car, quite a long list, and he jumped up and down with joy, and said he would take his car to a few of them and see what they could do. I hope to God he doesn't tell them that some Welsh bloke told him to seek them out, I am on the outs with some of them. He's the second bloke who has been happy to see my car, mainly because they have one too. Maybe when they see me they are elated that they are not the only fools in the city to be driving a pile of crap.
I smell a wine bottle being de-corked.................
Public - 10:24 PM - add eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email itThursday, January 12, 2006
Well my fate is in the hands of those at the PA school. I can honestly say that I didn't say anything dishonest about myself at the interview, nor did I put my big fat foot in my big fat pie-hole, like I did last year. In fact as I was leaving one of them said that they thought I was a fine candidate for the program, and another said that they really enjoyed visiting with me. Needless to say I feel a hell of a lot more confident than I did last year. So I will blubber like a baby on this site if I don't get in, or I will make a modest passing comment in future blogs, if I do get in, something like, "Yyyyeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh....I am the best!!!!!!"
Not much time this week to work on the doll house, I have classes on Tuesday and Thursday, Cell Bio in the mid day, and Genetics in the evening. I am rushing to get on the road for the cell bio class at the mo'. Don't know how many classes I will make through the semester, but I will try. No sympathetic understanding from the professor, so I will attempt to make her see what a fine cell biologist I can be. In genetics we have to breed fruit flies, I hope they don't go on a lot of dates before consumating the relationship. I need to find a couple of floozy fruit flies, and a good looking, mature type male fruit fly.
I will be baaaaacccckkkkkkk!
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Monday, January 09, 2006
Okay, whoever said that time flies, really knew what they were talking about. Where did it all go, i can't believe that we are 1/52 nd of the way into 2006. Last week just flew by. I will try to recap.....let's see.....The week between Christmas and New Years is still a blur, not because of an overabundance of wine, but mostly due to old age. On New years eve I worked as a volunteer at the Cox center, mainly to keep me out of trouble, and because I had promised. It was a carzy night, people were everywhere. They had all come downtown to opening night to watch an assortment of clowns, magicians, folk singers, banjo pluckers, bagpipers (?), and balloon sculptors. It seems like someones nightmare after a buffet of cheese and pickles right before bedtime. By 11.15 we were on our way to my friend and neighbors home for a bit of bubbly, and for me to vent by playing "Auld Lang Syne" on the pipes at 12 pm. Last year I was too drunk to do it, so I am surprised I was invited back. I do remember trying to blow air into the pipes, and squeezing the bag with all my might, but all that came out was "whheeeeaaaazzpphhhhhiiiinng.....bbbwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooo", right before I collapsed into a pathetic heap on the floor, singing Danny Boy through rubbery lips. Thank God it's a new year and I have been redeemed, hallelujah!
On new years day I ran an 8K downtown. There were tons of people there, and I was thinking that everyone would be hung over, and I could walk to victory. It was a jovial spirited crowd, and we lined up at the start in blazing sunlight, and an ever-so-slight breeze. The starter man fired off a barrel on his twelve gauge, and a seething horde of invigorated nutjobs set off, full of smiles, and plenty of will to beat the shit out of thy neighbor, and may the best man tromple the bejesus out of those that fall down. We got about 1K into the race when the sky turned brown, the sun disappeared into a haze, and the wind took off, gusting from slightly breezy to face wobbling and lip flapping speed. I swear at one point we were all running as though on a giant conveyor belt, with none of us moving forward. I thought I heard one guy scream "aaaaarrrrgggggghhhh, have mercy" then heard a loud plop as he was blown into the Oklahoma River. Oh it was agony, running into the wind my shorts were all blown out like I had a big bubbly butt, then coming back the wind gave my shorts the appearance of containing something incredibly large and flappy. Need I say that I didn't win, the geezer that did win looked like he had just bent over to pick up a penny, no sign of 8 kilometers of hell anywhere on his body. I got a free hat out of the gig though, and I did beat the first medicare person across the line by 2 seconds. Next race is the chilli run on Jan 21st, eat my dust medicare man.
Last week my daughter and I decided to build a doll's house. First we had to clean up the front porch as a working area. That took us all day, but the place looks like a aplace, almost too good to mess up again. Then mid week we dug in in earnest. I have to say that a 13 year old has an incredible image and vision of the perfect home. However a forty year old man, like me, with no talent and few tools, has little chance of replicating that image in wood. So the mansion, with spiral staircase, bathrooms on both floors, tiled kitchen, and mahogony lined walls in the dining area, is more like the shack on Green Acres. We have much more work to do though, so I will keep you posted. I want to make a slate roof out of baked clay. In my head it is a marvel to look at, of Taj Mahal standards, in my hands it will be a blob of uneven clay nailed to a piece of wood.
The Post Office put up it's stamp price yesterday, 37 cents to 39 cents, in case you diddn't know. Last week I was told that I was to train someone again, the last one I trained quit after two weeks. This one was already a full time employee, with 2 years of work behind her. She was just a little bit slow at her job. The supervisor pulled me aside and said, "now Sharp, we want you to instill a sense of pride in her, make her faster, show her how we need her to do her job in 8 hours instead of 12." I said okay, no problem, then as he walked away, I made a rubber face, and let out a "pppwwwwooooooffffff, as if". So I trained her on Saturday, showed her how I do the job, she did it exactly the same as me. Then today I heard the supervisor ask her if she learned anything, and she replied, "I think I learned maybe two things...." I clocked out at 4.30 and she still wasn't back, and I saw the supervisor hang up the phone and bury his head in his hands, while muttering her name. No doubt she had called to say that she was running behind a little and wouldn't be done until 8 o'clock.
My interview with med school this Thursday, I hope I don't make the same mistake I made at last years interview. If only I could go through the whole thing without opening my mouth, them it would be impossible for me to say completely arse-hole stupid comments. Oh well finger crossed, don't step on a crack, avoid the path of a black cat, don't walk under a ladder, never wear your underpants inside out....and so on. I have a suit, a tie, semi decent shoes, I need laces for said shoes, socks are in good working order, maybe trim my nose hairs, and shave my neck...I should look like a hundred bucks walking in there
Have fun Y'all....what the hell was this blog supposed to be about again??????????
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Sunday, December 25, 2005
Christmas Day, and a lovely day it is too. Just my family and I enjoying a day of relaxation, love and joy. Yesterday at work it was a dream, hardly any mail, only one supervisor to deal with, and our annual Christmas party. We had tons of food on the table, I haven't seen that much meat since they threw a fifty-off sale at the Big and Tall Store. Of course I ate too much and had a bad belly, plus some overly noxious farts, which helped speed up the day since I didn't want to spend too much time sitting in my postal truck, immersed in a gas cloud equivalent to 100 WW1 mustard bombs. It was actually a pleasure to be in work, the supervisor allowed us all to do a "no lunch", which means we get to clock off 30 minutes early, and get paid for it, under the guise that we skipped our lunch. I suppose that is the closest we will ever get to a Christmas bonus, but I'll take it any day.
I got home after some detouring to buy some last minute items, ("I'll never shop on Christmas Eve." arse!) Then I went for a 5-mile run. Along the way I passed by a neighborhood house that had been inspired by some kind of halluciogenic vision from one of santa's fairies. The entire front and back lawn has been painted blue, at least it looks blue to me. Maybe they were going for the white Christmas look, but encountered a major bout of depression right before the process of painting the grass began. I know the fella who painted his yard blue, and he knows that I know that he knows, and I know what he is going to tell me next time I see him. The family showed up when I got home, and Christmas began in earnest.
Presents began piling up under the tree, food popped up on the table, the sound of laughter filled the room, with an occasional scream thrown in, either laughter or pain? Stories were exchanged about happenings in the recent weeks and months. Kids who were kids last year, now looked like young adults, and all the trepidation and sadness I had felt leading up to this day disappeared, this is a family, and we all love each other. Once the starting pistol fired off a volley, the melee began, and a mass pile up ensued as we all charged the table in one go. Fists were flying, dentures bounced off the wall, someone floored me with a false limb, swung with deft precision right at my skull, the last thing I remembered before I hit the ground was a figgy pudding flying through the air toward an unsuspecting uncle.........wait a minute, I was reminiscing about my Christmas's in Wales, the family affair last night was a dream. If I could savor any moment in my life, it would be any one of the wonderful times I have spent in the company of the people I love. After the food had been eaten, we set about passing out the gifts. The youngest kids got under the tree and passed the presents to those of us who were to full and too old to get off our bottoms. I made out like a skin polisher at a Kojak look-a-like convention. We had bags of fun, and I even learned how to play craps.
After everyone had left and I generously finished off the wine, we piled my daughter's presents under the tree, and slumped off to bed. In the years leading up to this point in my life my wife and I have exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve, so as to spend the next morning delighting in Christmas morning and my daughter's expression of joy when she opens her presents. Now I just want to get to bed and sleep, age has crept up on me, or was it the wine? This morning my daughter woke us up at 6 am, and we told her to go back to bed until 7. Then at 7 am we told her to make us both a cup of tea and we'd be down when it had brewed. At 7.10 am we told her we's be there in a minute. Then we all exchanged gifts, amongst lots of laughter, and frantic paper tearing. Now it is 2 pm, my wife is fast asleep on the couch, my niece is on her way up to spend the next two days, and my daughter is playing with everything at one time. Plus my cat must have gotten into something while my back was turned because he just dropped a butt nugget that would render most people comatose upon the first whiff. I sent my daughter in to clean it up, she is young, her senses haven't fully developed yet, and what is there can rejuvenate if it gets damaged.
Merry Christmas, tonight we will drink wine and eat turkey with some friends, hurrah.
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Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Another day at the PO. Not a bad one at that, I bet you thought I was going to lay into the federal government for al the idiotic things they do, pertaining to the PO, every day. It was actually an easy day, not a lot of mail, and even fewer parcels. Now that I think about it, not at all like the Christmas's of past, when I have been overburdened with piles of mail, and packages the size of middle-aged teenagers, everyday for the two weeks up till Christmas eve. I can see bad tidings ahead for the Postmaster General, Mr. Potter. Surely revenue is down, there has been no deluge on us at all. Maybe this year everyone is giving little giftcards as presents, and they are going to carry them over to the recipient, on Christmas day, and cram it into the outstreched fist, with a hearty, "Here's your gift, like it or lump it."
Yesterday I fell down on my first stop. I completely missed the step and landed on my toe, like a big fat hairy ballerina, with a bald spot. I heard my left ankle go "Kkkkkkkrrrrrnnnnncchchhchhhhhh." I managed to let out about twenty @#%&'s, but then decided to walk it off, as that was far manlier than lying down on 63rd street and blubbering like a televangelist. It swelled up like a water melon, but I reckon I walked off all the hurt. Now I just walk gingerly on it for fear that it will snap. I got half way through my route and was so hungry that I actually considered stopping at Taco Beuno and buying something. Then I remembered that I would rather lick my own arse, than eat one of their shit flavored burritos. But as luck would have it, a customer left out some snacks for me, as a present. Man I layed into them like I hadn't eaten for a month. I had crumbs all over my face, and my fingers were all greasy, it was disgusting.
Bought Buck a bottle of Dewers Whiskey tonight on the way home from work. Homer, Suzi, and I chipped in ten dollars each to buy him the bottle. He does a pretty pathetic job covering our routes for us, but it is the season of goodwill. We have the Christmas Party on Saturday. This time we are bringing in the food, it isn't being catered for us by some ethnic restuarant. Should be lots of fun, pity we all ahve to go out and deliver the mail afterwards:(
Well as you can tell by this pile of gibberish, not a lot has happened to invigorate me the past couple of days. I shall do better to place myself in the path of any shennanigans that are apt to occur in the vicinity of my presence, then relay them to you.
Merry Christmas, and Balls to the politically correct nitwits.........adidas
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Monday, December 19, 2005
Oh Hallelujah and Praise the Lord, the semester is over and my grades are in. I didn't fail anything, in fact I got 2 A's and a B. The B was in Biochemistry, hey now I look at it, my A's were in Abnormal Psych and Advanced composition. I think I will take only classes that begin with A from now on, bugger that "Frotterism for Foreigners" class, or that "Doodling for the Insane as a Therapeutic Treatment". No sir, I can see a pattern here and I am not one to tempt fate.
On my way out to my route on Saturday, I was driving down Britton Road, and spotted a bloke all dressed up as Santa walking down the street. As I got closer I tooted my horn, an dhe turned around and waved, at least it looked like a wave, just as he ducked into the liquor store. Well my tootling alerted the car in front of me, or to be more specific, the little boy in the back seat of the car in front of me. I could see his huge eyes as he stared at Santa making a B-line for Twisty's Liquor store. Then I could see him poking his dad in the back of the head, and excitedly pointing back down the street. I can just imagine the conversation in that car;
"Dad, dad, I just saw Santa, I did, I did. he was going into Twisty's to buy a fifth."
"Now son that wasn't the real Santa, Santa doesn't frequent those dens of dispair."
"But it was dad, I think I can write him a note telling him I saw him buying liquor, and maybe he'll see to it that he forgets the time I put your false teeth in the blender, or flushed your TV Guide down the pan."
"Now look boy....."
"Dad we can blackmail him, and I can get all the presents that I want this year"
- As I pulled up alongside at the light, I could see the despair in his father's face, as he turned and looked at me. For a fleeting moment I thought I saw him wish that he was in my shoes, a mailman, no kids to drive around, just tons of mail. Then the light turned green and they were gone, off to buy grandma a whalebone corset, or a new set of dentures for granddad. I was secretly hoping, for the rest of the day, that on my return down Britton Rd at 4 pm, I would see flashing lights, and Santa in a headlock being handcuffed by two policemen, with vomit stains down his tunic, and his beard rammed up someone's arse. Alas it was not to be, and Christmas is still on course.
During the day while I was delivering the mail, I decided to tune into Magic 104.1 because I had heard that they were playing Christmas tunes all weekend long. They were, and it was nice to listen to them, but then a funny feeling came over me. It happened when this dopey song called "mama's shoes" came on. What a complete pile of shite, whoever wrote that must have shoved the entire bong down his throat and inhaled from the depths of his bunyons, just at the point that he put pen to paper. Anyway the song starts with a little boy standing in line, noticed of course by the guy singing the tune. When they get up to the counter the little chap wants to buy these Godawful shoes for his mum, but as it turns out, he is a little short of cash. Now this is a Christmas song, so I assume it happens during the season of goodwill to all men. When he can't make the set amount owed with his little pile of pennies, what does the cashier say- "Sorry son you don't have enough cash!" He may as well have said, "Bugger off now sonny, I got some serious swindling, I mean selling to do, come back when you got some green" Anyway the fella singing this pathetic pile of dog squeeze says that he pays for the shoes out of the goodness of his heart, probably because he wanted to get home and hit the egg nog and the little shit was holding up the line. Now at this point I was ready to switch back to the opera channel, but the song goes on a little further. The wee man tells everyone in line that his mama is going off to meet Jesus tonight, because she is deathly ill, and he wants the shoes for her so that she will look nice when she meets Jesus. I don't know what came over me, but I started blubbering like a redneck at a spelling bee. I was on someone's doorstep cramming their mail into the box, tears streaming down my face, when the door opens.
"What's the matter mailman? Are you okay, did a dog bite you, did you fall down, is it the job, I know that it can get to you time and again, is it that bastard of a supervisor you have?"
All I could say was, "mmmmnnnnmm minn a mmsssong an the mmmmradio, about mmmshoes...." All I got was a funny look, the mail snatched out of the box, and the door slammed in my face, no sympathy whatsoever! Lovely.
I forgot to mention the start of the day, around 7 am on my way to work. I climbed into the MB, mounted the driving seat, put both hands on the wheel and started her up. Of course, I am not that big on letting the car warm up, mainly because I have no heater and it would be a waste of time. All I want to do is get to where I am going as fast as possible, so as not to freeze to death in my car along the way. Well I got one block from home, right at the bottom of the hill, when the car wouldn't go anywhere, no matter what gear I put it in, it's an automatic by the way, so there are tons of gears to choose from. I cursed to every deity I had ever heard of, crammed the shifter into N, and climbed out, with the engine still running. I then tried to push it out of the middle of the street, but it weighs quite a bit, so I had not much luck doing that. About that time I see a car coming down the street toward me. Oh good help, I thought, then this rectum surrounded by a skin flap lays on his horn, and yells out the window for me to get out of the road, and why didn't a drive a decent car. All I could muster in response was "mmmmmmuucck yyoou". So I attempted to rock the pile of shit back and fo, to try and gain a momentum to nudge it into the kerb. That was when it jumped into reverse and took off backwards up the hill, with me hanging on the door. I manged to crawl in and slam my fist on the break, then climb in and jam it into park. Then I sat there for about a minute with my heart racing, and an eternal gratefulness that I had had the forsight to pinch off a loaf before I left home 10 minutes earlier. I got to work okay and the car has driven fine ever since, it's a mystery, but if it happens again, I am going to wedge the heap of shit in a gap 2 feet narrower than the car is.
Well that was Saturday, I went to the mall on Sunday, and there isn't enough space on the internet to tell you about that. So I bid yuo adidas, and Merry Christmas, or as us Welsh folk say Nadolig Llawen.
Public - 10:24 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email itSunday, December 11, 2005
I have been jammed indoors all day studying for this biochemistry exam, blimey it is hard. I haven't seen much of the outside, only for a few moments when I walked down to Subway with my daughter, and the dog, to buy supper. We went over to the park on the way back to let the dog run around and drop a few bombs. Of course I packaged up her buttgrams and deposited them in the trash, I am a good boy.......
Had a laugh yesterday with my Daughter, who from now on will be called SRS, because it is easier to write than daughter. She taught me how to write haikus, so we wrote a ton of them, all toilet humor by the way. here are a few samples:
Stealthily I squeeze
a loaf begins to peep out
plop plop glump I hear

Five men in a room
somebody sneezed and farted
everyone drops dead

A smell wanders in
the bathroom door is open
I know where dad's been

My cat licks her bum
suddenly she drops down dead
silent deadly fart
As you can see I have yet to grasp the seriousness of the haiku, and the subtle ingenious of its prose. I have almost finished my Christmas shopping, and I am glad to say that Sears has a sign on its door that says "Merry Christmas", well done Mr. Sears and your pal Roebuck. There doesn't seem to be many people shopping this year though, except for at ther mall. All the shops I have been in have been quite pleasant, not the usual big fat ladies pile driving their way through the crowds. I bet the shops are a little pissed off about it all though, all that lovely lolly not coming in.
I heard on the news that the Post Office is now debt free, we have paid off the remaining 1.5 Billion that we owed from the original 11.7 Billion. Did I say this last time, am I having a de ja vu moment here, my mind escapes me. Oh well balls to it, 15 years ago when I was hoodwinked at the state fair into signing up for the PO there were 820,000 employees, this week the news said there were 700,000 of us. So where did the 120,000 go? I bet they were ground up in the paper shredders and pulverized and pulpated into paper rolls, that could then be fashioned into new stamps, had any funny tastes in your mouth when you lick a 37 cente'r lately? Could be some big, fat clerks bum that you are licking. Slopping your tounge around the armpit of a big sweaty bloke who hasn't bathed, or hadn't bathed for a week or two.
I think I'll unplug a bottle of red tonight, a 3 dollar bottle from Byron's, originally from Central America. It's fascinating how they can grow grapes, pick them, stomp them, bottle them, ship them and sell them thousands of miles away for just 3 dollars. Who is making money of this wine? Or is it just a joke on people like me, maybe the wine is really the slop water that was used to wash off the stompers toes and feet after they trod all over the grapes, and instead os flushing it they bottle it and sell it to me. Have to say though that it is mighty tasty, and at least a 11.5 % brain farter. So here's to cheap slop water, hurray, hic!
See ya.
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Bbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........I need a nipple steam immediately. What a day, I froze my bol*ocks offnot to mention almost poked a couple of eyes out with my nubbins. I thought that gary England and his ilk had their heads firmly jammed again around 2 pm, when this "supposed" mother of all storms was going to hit. Nothing, just a little cool wind, then, around 2.30 pm the mother of all sphincter clenchers rolled in, and my testicles receded into the depth of my bowels. It was so cold that I could only hold the mail for thirty seconds at a time, then i had to jam my fingers back into my pocket, I bet the customers thought I was loafing off out there with my hands in my pockets. I had on four sweaters, one of them a thermal, a great big bloody coat, my wooly over the ears hat, two pairs of socks, two pairs of underpants, and one glove, and I still nearly flatlined on some buggers doorstep when the north wind hit me. Then to top it all off, I ran my route, skipped my lunch, got done thirty minutes late, charged up the B'way ext in the pissing down snow, fought my way through the Edmond traffic (there's a novel), and got to class thirty minutes late, only to find a note on the door saying all evening classes have been cancelled. Do they think that i have psychic powers and can read door notices in my head from 5 miles away, how about a radio announcment.......My first thought was .."wha..th...wel...fu...m". Then I turned around and went head first into the Edmond traffic again to get home.
Why can't people drive in Edmond? Is that where all the nutjobs go when they fail the driving exam. And why are there so many minivans in Edmond, it's like the circus came through town and gave one away with every ticket. And judging ...well let's not go there, I want to be a nice person. My end of the year resolution is to be nice to everyone until December 31st, then I am going to revert back to my old ways.
Tomorrow's forecast is a high of 11, with wind chills in the minus 10 area. keep your eyes closed if you see me coming toward you, I'll be packing some nipples ,,,,,,,,
Public - 10:23 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Oh what a day! It was a breezy one to say the least, 15-25 mph winds with gusts up to 40 mph, thank my grandfather that I have no need for a toupee at this time, otherwise it would be in Canada by now. There was so much mail today my bag was dragging on the ground, along with my thigh ornaments. Not a good day to be out working with paper, and flimsy shit too, at that.
Yesterday the PO in its infinite wisdom sent me downtown to be trained, as a trainer. I have been teaching the new employees for the past 10 years so the management thought it was about time I learned how to do it. Trying to get into the downtown PO is about as easy as walking into Fort Knox wearing a balaclava and carrying a big sack with SWAG written on it. Eventually we got in, those of us there waiting to be trained, seven in all. We were from all over the state, I was the only carrier from OKC. The instructor paired us up and I was put with Mel, a electronics technician from the 'plant', wherever the hell that is. He was hard of hearing, old, and originally from California, plus he had a little bit of a problem completing a sentence. He seemed to always stop in mid-verbal onslaught and then gaze off into nothing, then when he did come back he was already talking as though he had not stopped, so we often got the beginning and end of his story, with nothing in the middle. Anyway we were told to gather info on each other and then we would introduce our partners to the rest of the class. I introduced Mel, making him sound like an intellect, with incredible skills, even though his hobby was watching TV and hypnotizing weeds in his yard. When he got up to introduce me, he stopped after three words the ten seconds later said, "well I am hard of hearing and the son of a gun can't speak English anyway." Do that was the first impression the class got of me. I am glad to say that by the end of the day, Mel and I were friends, if not forever, at least until I forget his name in the next three or four days. We watched videos, wrote stories about how best to train people, learned what not to do when training people, which nullified my story. The best part was when we were split into three groups and given a prop with which we were to write down specific instructions on how to perform a task. My group consisting of me and Drew, a carrier from Yukon, were given a doll's head and were were to write down how to braid hair. This task was to be done in fifteen minutes, and for the first ten, we sat there thinking how do you braid hair. Buddy, a cowboy/postmaster/carrier/clerk/janitor form Frederick, leaned over and whispered the instructions to us, and after five minutes of frantic writing and practicing, we had it done. Mel was picked to do the task, and all he could do was read what we had written, no other offers of advice were allowed. Well Mel, my pal, did a grand job, even though he stopped for 30 seconds in the middle of it and quoted texts from the Post Office safety manual. It was a great day, I got a certificate at the end of it all, plus I stayed out of the weather for a day, glory.
Tonight in school, I almost fell asleep again in Biochemistry, the topic was biosignalling! Next week we have to present a lecture to the rest of the class on how to perform a diagnostic test on a liver, and what enzymes we are to use. I though of trying to rent a giant liver costume from the costume store, I am sure they must have one, we could use it as a sort of poster board, to point out the liver bits. In Psychology next Wednesday we have to present a lecture on paraphilias. The plan is for me to hang myself with a tie while performing autoerotic asphyxiation, an act, of course, I won't actually do the thing, at leats I hope not! Then the week after that is finals, this semester has gone by way too fast.
Last night I met with Kim down at the OUHSC, she is my first year med student pal from the free clinic. She took me down to the Anatomy-Dissection lab to see the bodies. Her particular project is Bert, a 92 year old ex-live person. It is very hard to look athe bodies as once being living walking, talking, pople when they are all cut in half and quarters, with their brains and hearts lying on the table next to them. It was very sombre, but exillerating also. Kim wrote me a letter for my PA application, and a good letter it was too, I shall use it for all the jobs I apply for from now on.
Well that is my week thus far, in a moment or two my lovely, delicious wife and I will be parking our onions on a comfy seat and necking back a bottle of Le Snoot, a new wine I found tonight. I'm soo excited, I just can't hide it, I'm about to loose control and I think I like it................... Adidas, T
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Saturday, November 26, 2005
Oh what a great Thanksgiving it was, well enjoyed by everyone in attendance. We left on Thursday morning after I had run a 8K up at the Stars and Stripes park (34:45) I knocked almost 8 minutes off the time it took me back in early June. deShan came by ou house and we gathered up all our food and wines then hit the road. When we got there we waited a while for the parents to show, late as usual??? One of Ed's friends cane along for the experience, Nick, a French-Lebanese bloke, who tries to deny the fact that he is from lebanon, and is really a French bloke. Why anyone would want to claim to be French is beyond my capacity for deep mental thought, even telling someone you had a french great,great,great,great,great,great,great,great,great cousin, twice removed, is a silly thing to do in my mind. But there you are. He was a nice chap, when he arrived we were standing in the front garden having a chat, five of us in a circle around a pile of dog squeeze, in fact I had just commented on it's shape and texture, right before Nick arrived. Well he got out of the car and walked right up to us, and stood right in the dog squeeze, as if both were magnetically drawn to each other. He looked a bit embarrassed after my wife pointed it out to him, but he got over it, and probably I am the only one who still remembers it. We had an excellent time there, one of the best Thansgiving events ever in my book.
Back to work on Friday, tons of mail, I don't know why because everyone was off work the day before, in fact the entire country shut down for the day, so why and where did all this mail come from?? Today, Saturday was even worse, plus we weren't allowed to start early, plus it is Bedlam day. Anyway, Bedlam was a fiasco, the Cowboys lost to the twits from Norman. I don't think the Cowboys could beat a hole in a wet tissue at the moment, it looks like we need everything to improve. I have considered that maybe I am jinxing them by being one of their fans. I mean take this into account, I am a Cubs fan, a Leeds fan, I like the Cleveland Browns, I have become fond of the Hornets since they moved to OKC, all of these teams are pathetically crap. Although I won't claim any part of the jinx on the Cubs prior to 1995, when I started watching them, the 87 years that they went without a World Series win before then was somebody else's fault. These teams are so bad that we go out and celebrate when they come close to winning.
It was cold in the morning yesterday, one of the coldest so far I reckon. When I went out to check my postal vehicle for any overnight vandalism or unexplainable flat tires, I almost twisted a nipple muscle, due to the high speed at which my nubbins erected when the cold air hit them through my shirt. Crikey, I yelled in my head, while thanking the Lord that I wasn't a brass monkey at that time. Of course nobody had scaled the barbed wire fence surrounding the PO in an effort to cause damage to a bunch of low speed vehicles, not yet anyhow. But the PO sages, are convinced that one day someone will, and we will check the vehicles every morning, not in an effort to stop any vandalism occurring, but to see it so that we can all stand around and say, "well I'll be buggered, who would do that?"
It is Saturday night and I am going to watch a Bogey film or "some like it hot", or something that is a genuine classic on TV. Plus I may just open a bottle of wine, just to warm me up a bit, medicinal purposes........
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Evening at my homeIt is 8.30 pm and I am about to bury my head into a wine glass. Did a lot of shopping today, due to my sudden happy occurrence of "no work." Didn't really buy a lot, but i did figure out that i don't like shopping. This afternoon I set about trying to put legs on my garage sale foosball table, bought for $10. I bought some big-arse posts from the lumber yard, the kind you use to raise houses off the ground so that sea water won't get into them. Of course, because of my misguided judgement, and lacking ability to take a measurement or two, it turns out that the posts are just about 18 inches too big for the table, not in height, in width. I thought that if I got sturdy legs the table would be safe from my daughter and I when we get into a competitive game of foosball. Anyway, I ended up fixing a small table that I found thrown out for big rubbish day, and with the aid of a few sticks to level off the foosball table, we had our first game. I won 5-1, hooooooooooyyyyaaaahhhhhhh, rasp!!!!!! The number one lesson a dad teaches his thirteen year old is, you are never to young to lose at foosball. Of course I taught her how to play cards 5 years ago and now she beats me all the time. We are hooked on puzzles in our house now. I think we are about middle of the road in terms of smartness, because the simple crosswords are just too easy, and the hard ones are downright bloody impossible unless I put two or more letters one box, and make up my own words. Still it has to be better for us intellectually than watching TV all night long.Well here comes the wine..........gulp, chug, glop,glop,glop....hahhhh!!!! See ya!
Public - 9:36 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email itWednesday, November 23, 2005
Well here I am post-test + 2 days, what a corker!! I honestly think that the teacher set out to drive everyone insane in the class. One of the questions asked, what prime end, 3' or 5' does this necleotide begin with "AGTTCGGATT"!!! This is Biochem 1, not rocket science and cranial parambalism for the mentally gifted. Not to worry though Igot through okay, and feel somewhat relaxed about what the result will be. I went in to work today, it is my day off by the way, but I had been mandatoried to work by the boss last week, due to the shortage of mailmen. Anyway i got there and Buck was on my route, my floater. I said, "what the bloody hell are you doing here" to which he replied, "I work here, me" The boss then informed me that he had forgotten to take down the mandatory work sign, and put up the newer one telling us we were not needed after all. Sometimes there is a pleasant feeling that overcomes a body when you find out that you are not needed, or wanted. So I grabbed my hat and sprinted for the door before they changed their mind, and decided to remandatory me to work.I will be off to the church in a few moments to help the missus measure the floor that she is painting upon. Then my daughter and I will plow through the stores accumulating cheap-assd Christmas presents for our loved ones.By the way it is November 22nd in OKC, and the temp is 70 degrees F. When will the shit hit, and the thermometer drop to levels not seen since the mammoths ate turnips and shit leaves on the ground? I know it is coming, and I, in my infinite stubborness, have still refused to put a $700 heater in my pile of crap MB. It will be another winter of rock hard nipples, and sphincters as tight as the seals on the front door at Fort Knox. The last 2 years haven't been too bad though. Only twice last year did I have to drive to work, stopping every ten yards to scrape the windshield. It took me 35 minutes to travel what normally takes me 5 minutes. This is me signing off to all of you????? out there reading this immense mountain of pooh.
Public - 9:47 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Monday, November 21, 2005
Where has the time gone, I cannot believe we are half-arsed past November. I bought three Christmas pressies last week, so I am on the proverbial ball, so to speak.I have been locked indoors all day studying for a biochemistry exam tonight. The optimistic side of me keeps saying, it'll be okay, you really do know the material, I bet the teacher will make it easy. Whereas the pessimistic side of me is saying, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh!"Chemistry is for people who think small, not me matey, no way Jose, I am a big thinker, yup, big!Thanksgiving this week, off to Duncan for the day, whooopppeeee! We are taking a guest with us this year, De Shan, or is it dE sHaN? She will be a hoot with Ed and Howard. Hope no-one says, "would you please pass the titty's" instead of gravy.Well this was just a short interlude for moi, I have to ascend deep up to the nether regions of the bedroom to bury my head in the books for another hour.
Public - 3:31 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Halelujha, another school week over. Biochemistry was incredibly boring tonight, I think half the class was asleep by the middle of the proceedings. On my way home I almost froze my right ear off. My daughter had wound down the passenger side window last weekend, and I can only get it back up with the aid of another to press the button. When I pulled into the drive I tooted the horn, but nobody came, I stuck my leg in the door and used my front end of my shoe to push the button, while I attempted to pull up on the window. It didn't work, all I succeeded in doing was pulling a muscle in my nipple.
Lots of mail in work today, it was a 'Gor Blimey' of a day, as they say in London. Our station manager gave us all a stand up talk on how we need to wise up because she is failing the audit?????? We need to deliver mail on time????? and we need to scan our barcodes everyday, oh and no more getting bit by dogs, because, "...you are all old enough to know better!" If she was capable of synapsing two neurons together into intelligent speech I reckon some of us might just listen to her. Thanksgiving breakfast from Hector Villajo's Mexican Bar and Grill is set for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I can't imaging what the food will be like, I didn't even know that the Mexican's celebrated Thanksgiving? We had to cancel the Halloween contest because nobody brought in any pictures of themselves dressed in a costume when they were kids. We did get a few saucy looking model pictures, cut out of a mag, with a postman's head glued on, but the organizer got a little miffed at our lack of enthusiasm, and called the whole thing off.
The psychology professor called off our presentation, group presentation that is, set for next Wednesday, because we will have a test that day instead of the preceeding Monday, as it was supposed to be. So, after all the work I went to to change days off and arrange to be able to study for the exam, I will now have to try again. I tell you, whoever you are, because I am not convinced that anyone is reading this, night school and work, together, sucks. Nobody wants to give you a break, and when you mention that you work full time, they just look at you like you are talking in gibberish. Anyway our presentation is about Paraphilias. We have planned so far to kick off the whole presentation with a little skit, about a autoerotic asphyxiation. I will keep you, (me) up to date as we get better prepared.
Time to go, wine is on the menu tonight, Oklahoma wine.........hhhhmmmmmmmmm?
Public - 9:41 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Saturday, November 05, 2005
well I went and got the gear for our new business the other day----scaffolding, a bloody great big yellow tower, I think the geezer who sold it said it was a 100 ft high. I begged to differ with him because it only advanced into the nether regions just 3 or 4 feet above the roof of his house. Anyway, I am now a scaffolder. What a moniker, I have been a pie-man, a baker, a candlestick-maker (no that one is a lie, but it sounds good), a postman-in two countries, may I add, a plastic goods maker, a pecan rancher, a construction laborer, trained as a bricklayer, entrepeunered (bugger me that's a tough word to spell!) as a sandwich man, and got turned down for the job as a lollipop man.
When I got to the man/s house who was selling the scaffolding, who by the way, had promised to have the tower all pulled down and ready to load, didn't!!! So muggins, me, had to climb up to the top, which did indeed feel like a 100ft, and start pulling the thing apart. I am a silly old tart with heights, so I was quite perplexed dangling away and yanking on 50 lb iron tresses. I had a vision of me toppling off the edge into the void of space, and catching my nutsack on an errant, misplaced hook, then left swinging 30 ft above the ground, while the man ran off to get help, or a video camera. Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for him and the twenty million watchers of Americas Funniest Videos, I didn't fall off, and my nutsack is intact :) We got it all loaded into my friends borrowed pick-up, shook hands and said our teary good-by's and "it's been great doing business with you", then when I tried to start the truck...nothing, dead as a doorknob, or is it door nail? He was very understanding of it all, considering I was blocking his driveway with a 1974 Chevy pick-up, that looked like it was used as a prop in "Ben Hur." He said, "I have some jumper cables", "oh joy I replied. Then he proceeded to pull up his mini-van to the truck, and attached the cables. Now I am not a physicist, or a rocket scientist, or even a mathematician, but I do have an averaged sized brain, and it was telling me that a piece of crap mini-van is not going to have enough power to kick start a nun's vibrator, let alone my borrowed pile of dog squeeze, pick-up. But we tried, in vain for thirty minutes, it was agony, every time I turned the key, I could hear the mini-van wheezing and beginning to die. I was devilishly hoping that the pick-up would jump into action, and I could fake a loss of control, and totally demolish the mini-van, but that wouldn't have been nice . In the end I had to flag down a Yugo, I think it had one-cylinder, and ran on helium. It started the truck in one go. So there is my validating evidence for the worthlessness and utter crapness of mini-vans, thank you! The truck made it home safe and sound. I dropped off the scaffolding at my partners home, and informedhim that we had better get a chain to lock it up, or the gypsies will run off with it. He seemed to mock my assumption that gypsies will take anything that is not nailed down, but I know better. The president of the company called me later to find out what these gypsies looked like, and how many of them were there!
Yesterday was my birthday, 41. My lovely missus, and charming daughter took me off galavanting to some free art shows, with lots of free wine and cheese. I had a blast, and after all that wine and cheese, I let off a few blasts too. Tomorrow is the missuses birthday. I couldn't find any fur lined handcuffs, and velvet panties with ribbons and bows, so I got her something else.
Time to go, Saturday night is calling, "we need wine", I think it is saying, and let it be known that I will not be the man to refuse a Saturday night it's wine.
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Forgot to mention the Halloween party last Saturday, it was a dandy. I played for about 2 hours in the open air, to absolutely nobody, meaning I had no audience, it was too cold. The reason I stopped playing was 1. because I wasn't pissing anybody off, and 2. because I couldn't feel my fingers any more, and my balls had receded to the region around my ears. I met a cop and we became friends, Keith, his name was. He was a good bloke, told my wife I was a nice guy too. There were a couple of ourt friends there dressed as Peruvians (?), they twirled when they danced, and got me all frantic dancing with them, I almost lost my sporron. A guy with a giant head won the grand prize, it was a good costume so he deserved it. Next year i vow to regain my title as best costume.
Public - 9:52 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email itWednesday, November 02, 2005
It's been a while, and I have been "vely busy", as they say in Japan. I know not the most politically correct thing to say, but who gives a crap. People call us Welsh a bunch of thieving bastards all the time, and the paddy's are always being referred to as drunked and brash, with nothing but gobs of shite and breath like an arab's armpit. I am vice-vice-president of a new found company here in town. Can't tell you the name because we don't have one yet. My double partners are members of the mafia, incognito, of course. The bloke is the numero uno of the Oklahoma side of activity, known in the underworld as Don Pancake, and his moll is a mean vixen, with a handbag laden full of the knocked out teeth of her opponents, it weighs a hefty ton or two. Anyway lets just say that the business is encapsulated in reaching for the stars, of attaining new heights, get the picture.
Just took a Biochemistry test at school, by the way I will be 41 in two days, not for you to be reading this and think that I am some snotty nosed, brown stripe in my gusset, no brain, full of zits, dog-squeeze of an excuse for a man. I am just a late starter, a post developer, a genius who missed the bus, a turd that refused to flush....well you get the picture. I see a theme going on here with the "get the picture" phrase. What a test, I didn't even understand half the questions, let alone know how to answer them. I will say that the first third of my attempts at answering were purely guesswork. A little bit of constructive thinking mingled with some bohemian bullshit, and a smidgen of "well I'll be fucked", thrown in for good measure. My bald spot grew in stature from all the scratching I did to my head. Everybody came out of the exam with faces like Bod, question marks embedded into the skin. One girl came out and puked all over the floor, and somebody's brand new pink plimsoles. This one action set about the motion of everyone in the corridor, in unison, going "bbbbllluuuuuurgghhhhhhh, bluuuurrggh, blluuuurgh..." Luckily nobody else launched a technicolor burp. Next week it is the Abnormal Psychology exam, pertaining to schizophrenia, depression, mood disorders, and personality disorders. Hurrah, I can't wait!
I am about to bust into a bottle of wine, red I believe, no wait, it might be white. In any case I am ready for some 13% alcohol, straight to my frazzled brain. When I got home I went outside and played the pipes, just to piss someone, somewhere off. It was a good stress reliever, I have to say. Damn near put me to sleep in the middle of a tune, 'the farting finnigan', I believe it was. A fast and lively tune with a few well placed deep low G notes put in, followed by a squeeky high A, held for a few seconds, the only thing missing was the pungent aroma. Finnigan would be proud.
I will say adidas for now, and Harry Vederchy, followed by a terminating "a-hh'll beee baaaaarcck".
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Monday, October 24, 2005
Oh the glory of it all, no problems from you know what again....sshhh, I don't want to mention it in case it breaks once more. So there we are then, and here are we. My Psycho Prof, Abnormal Psychology by the way, reckons there is an extra zero in the British billion. I begged to differ, seeing as I was in the mood for an argument, and told him I would find out, because I was taught that there were three extra zero's after a million, same as the yankee way. It turns out that Britain did indeed have a butt-load of zero's in the billion written as such; 1,000,000,000,000, which as you can see is in fact a million million, or a billiard, as the Brits used to call it. In 1975, the treasurer decided to make the billion the same as America, and the rest of the world, imagine that. So a billion all over the world is now; 1,000,000,000, which is a thousand million. Here's some more useless info.
If you count to a million 1,2,3.....etc. every second, it will take you 12 days. To continue on to a billion, will occupy you for the next 32 years. That deserves a BLIMEY!
This is the plan at the Post Office, regarding forgetting to wear your ID badge to work. They will send you home to get it, off the clock. The last person to be sent home was gone for 6 hours, then called in to say he couldn't find it and his car wouldn't start, so he wouldn't be back. They, (who are they?) just switched out all our old canvas and metal hampers, that we use for all our mail, and gave us big plastic, heavy orange ones, that can be seen from space. The wheels on these orange hellions have a mind of their own. If you want to go in a straight line, forget it. The hamper will go all over the place, except where you want it to go. Some of the mailman can't load their trucks out of them because they roll down the hill away from the truck. So the P.O. wants to spend a fortune buying blocks on a string to wedge under the wheel, when at the truck loading. I could go on, but why, it is the same in every government run company all over the US, it's di-a-bollock-all.
I will be playing at the halloween party downtown this weekend, not sure where, but I know it is on 2nd street. About a month or 6 weeks ago, my wife said that someone had asked if I'd play the pipes on the 29th at the hallowen party. I said, "yeah, why not, it'll be a laugh" I then proceeded to forget all about it. Well my wife saw a poster up somewhere, advertising it, on Saturday, and my name was down listed as being one of the entertainers!!!! I thought "SHIT" I had better start practicing a little, so my week will be spent tuning my pipes, and trying to figure out what to play, and come up with a costume to wear.
Last Friday I rode my bike to work, 6 miles. Then walked 12 miles on my route, and ran home, 6 miles. Then Saturday I ran to work, 6 miles, walked 12 miles on my route, then rode my bike home. My arse is still on fire! It's all part of my training regime for the half-marathon next April. I am debating with myself, whether or not to do the full marathon, but I don't think there will be enough fire extinguishers on hand to put out the raging furnace eminating from my rectum after 26 miles, at least that's the argument against doing it. The "for's" are, you'll be a man, you'll be proud and big chinned, you'll be so fit that you'll need a shitty stick to beat off the girls after the race. So far the "for's" are losing.
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Sunday, October 16, 2005
I did my first half marathon today, 13 and one half miles. My arse was rubbed raw by the end of it all, and my bunyons had chilblains on them. It took me 1 hour and 40 minutes, not a world record, but a Tony record, and worthy of a Tony award. It wasn't a run, just a me thing. I wanted to run up to work and back to see how long it would take.
Later this afternoon we went on a cemetary tour around Fairlawn Cemetary on 30th and Western. It was a good show, about 20 people showed up and we trapced all over the graveyard looking at outstanding features and oddball markers on the stones. At the end of it all we had wine and cheese on the mausoleum steps, lovely. I am a bit knackered now waiting for my missus to dish up the pumpkin and sweet potato lasagne.......hmmmmmmm!
Just finished studying the Biochemistry, made me forget about my aching arse and concentrate on my aching brain. Who'd thunk we were all made up of such intricate and stupendous long words that make no sense. When I was growing up all anyone knew, or needed to know was that the knee bone was connected to the thigh bone, etc. It was nobody's business what happened in our rectum's when we pinched a loaf. Nowadays science is a bunch of nonsense that makes no inkling of sense to anyone but the bloke who made up the disease or long word. Just what is a monopolymumbojumbothingamujiggylinoleumbasednucleicacid? No I don't know either, but someone discovered it and gave it such a big arse name, well actually I made up the name, and it doesn't really exist, but you see what I mean. If only they taught wine drinking and butt scratching as a college course, I could ace that one, or at least get a C-.
I am in training for the Turkey Trot, a 8K run on Thanksgiving day. It will work to build up a big-foot size appetite for when I visit the family. The last couple of years I have been a little lacking in appetite, not eating my full share of the food. This year I will re-establish my role as pie-eater extraordinaire.
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Not bad at all, T-plus 24 hours since the epic journey on my bike. It was a hard ride home at 8.30 pm, in the dark, with sprinkles of rain on me. But all in all, not that bad. I did have a spooky experience coming down by Military and 31st street. I heard some voices off in the distance, and thought I saw some shadows, then out of nowhere here comes a black kid, about 17 yrs old, riding a kids bike. I didn't see him until the last minute, and all I saw then was the whites of his eyes. He was trying to intimidate me, all he got was a "Fuck me you silly bastard, you almost gave me a heart attack." To which he replied, "Oh yeah, cracker!" I think I could have gotten off my bike and walked with it faster than he could have caught me on his little trike, but as it was, I had had a long day, so I just stopped where I was, looked at him, and said, "come on you little ingrown arsehole, I'll shove that trike up your bottom," I don't know if he understood what I was saying but he went away nevertheless. After that it was plain sailing. I even thought about stopping to pick on an old granny who was walking down by the Paseo, but I let it go.
I just wrote something about my car, but my wife told me to erase it. She said it would jinx me, so, that's it. Last few days of class are at hand. The class is the reason for this blog, so let's hope it was worth it? I will continue my rambles, so stay tuned, if you are tuned.....????????????
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Monday, October 10, 2005
Oh Mother of all things that bring me down...When will it end!!!!
Need I say more, do I have to torture myself with the words, must I dwell in the misery of automobile hell any longer......YES, my pile of crap, the junk hemorrhoid thinly disguised as a masterful piece of German machinery is broken AGAIN!!!!!!! Oh the humanity.
I am only human, do I deserve to be punished by whoever is doing this to me? In the words of Nancy Kerrigan, after being knee bludgeoned by a fat man, WHY....sob! Whhhhyyyyyyyyyyy?
Yep it's the starter again, went out on me at ACE hardware store today, after I bought 2 feet of pipe to fix the kitchen sink. Yes that was broke too! I must say though, the workers at ACE are awfully nice, they let me use the company phone to call the missus to come and get me. I called Eddie, and his response was along the lines of, "Well I'll be buggered!" I almost told him, "yes you will mate, with this poo excuse of a starter if I can get it off the car" But I didn't, I was cordial and polite. Here's the odd bit, I get my missus to drive me over there about an hour later, and the silly old fart of a car started up right away.....Uh? Eddie has it now, he is going to put on another starter, a better variety than the three he has tried so far.
So I am back on my bicycle tomorrow. Six miles to work, work all day, then ten miles to clinic, work three hours, then ten miles home in the dark. I can already feel the callouses on my bum.
I HATE CARS, ESPECIALLY MERCEDES BENZ'S
Public - 9:30 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email itSunday, October 09, 2005
My car is running like a dream, it doesn't even wobble anymore when I am waiting at a stop light, or make any banging noises. I am touching wood as I say these lines, by the way, in fact, as I write, I am sitting inside a hollow tree trunk that I brought in from the park, just for good luck.
Pity about the Sooners yesterday..........NOT!
The Red Sox got dumped out of the play-offs, does anyone remember that baseball is still going on? I know that this time of year it gets forgotten and overshadowed by College Football, NFL, Hockey, billiards on ESPN, and fly-fishing on the outdoor network channel. My pick is Chicago white sox versus Saint Louis cardinals in the world series, and the cardinals to win. My University football team is doing okay, Ball State, they have only lost every game so far. When I first came to America I tried to visit every state, spent 5 years looking for Ball State, a lot of work on a bicycle, never did find it. I even accused a bloke at Walden's Books of selling defunct maps of the USA.
Ernest Istook is running for Governor, he has not got a chance. One because he sucks, and two because he sucks even more than the last time I said he sucks. He said he will get rid of the lottery because Oklahoman's do not need to gamble on the future of our state, what a pilchard. He forgets that the people voted in the lottery. He is also a big proponent of roads in the state, especially I-40, much to the ruination of the railway stations. Notice that he is not giving up his position in congress to focus on running, he knows he is going to lose.
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
Yep, you guessed it, I spoke too soon
On Tuesday my car broke down again!!! This time I had just put diesel into the pile of junk, and when I tried to start it and go home, terribly dismayed at the price of fuel, it wouldn't start. Not only wouldn't it start, it wouldn't even make a noise, no turn over of the engine, no bangs, or chuggabangdinkies, nothing. I was stuck at the pump with people driving all around me trying to get to the pump before gas went up any higher. I went inside and asked the bloke behind the counter if he could give me a push. On the way back to the car he asked where I was from, I told him Wales, he got a big smile on his chops and said, "oh bloody blimey, I am from bloody Edinburgh, bloody Scotland, oh deary me" He was Indian by the way, a Scottish Indian, and a fine fellow may I add, because he helped me push my car. Even in the sad state my pile of crap was in, he seemed awfully impressed that I was driving, or pushing, a Mercedes Benz, I felt like I was a toff, even if it was just for a wee minute. So I got the tow truck out again to drag the car up to Eddie's. I told Eddie it was the starter and he got that gobsmacked look on his face, like, "oh, well I'll shit a brick, I just put one of those in for you."
So that was late morning Tuesday, by the way while all this was going on my luscious wife was waiting at home to take me out for pancakes at Jimmy's. By the time we got the car tucked away and all snuggled up at Eddie's, it was too late for breakfast, so we had nothing but crack-ors for lunch
Our friend Bob came by a little after one and he pffered to lend me his pick-up, so I could get to class, work and clinic. When we picked up the daughter from school all three of us took off for ice-cream. I wanted a lolly-gobble-choc-bomb, but they don't sell those in America, so I settled for a ice-cream royale, and it was scrumpty-umpty-gobbly!!! Then we went to Bethany to borrow the truck. I waved adios to my lovely girls and set off down 39th street in my butty Bob's old 1970's Chevy pick-up. I was rolling and singing along to King Country, "Orange Blossom Special", or "there's a tear in my beer" something like that. I turned north on MacArthur, and that's when it happened. The truck wouldn't go into gear, it just sat there in the middle of MacArthur Blvd, while cars passed me by flipping me off, and assigning me all kinds of nicknames as they squeezed by. One called me a hemorhoid, wrapped around a sphincter, attached to a sad excuse for an organism, which I thought was quite imaginative considering the situation. Anyway, an old retired postman stopped and helped me push that pile of crap into the CVS car park. While he was in the middle of pushing he remarked, "what's the matter with you back wheel?" I looked back and saw that it was sticking out about 2 feet, and still attached to the axle, odd, I thought. That's why it wouldn't go into gear, because the drive box thingy was attached to the back wheel which was 2 feet away from where it should be. So as you can tell by the sadness of my writing, no jollifications, I am sick and tired of cars. My wife has been having to drive me everywhere, I even rode my bike to work one day, and was going to ride it up to college in the middle of the cold front on Wednesday, but got a lift at the last minute.
So it is Thursday, my car is back home, with two new belts, a new timing mode, and a suggestion for what to do if it won't start again. Eddie said it wasn't the starter, all I need to do next time is turn the key, and then wiggle the gear stick about in neutral until the car turns over and starts. That's why mechanics are so smart, they know all the tricks.

Public - 10:08 PM - 2 eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email it
Saturday, October 01, 2005
My car is driving like a pin up girl from the forties, smooth, sleek and elegant. That was my favorite era by the way, not that I ever lived then, but I would if I had the option. The girls in that time period were soo pretty and very sexy. To think that they all wore silk stockings under their dresses, and the hair styles were fantisimo. Anyway enough of my perverted observations and fantasies.
I see the train service is going to start up from OKC to Guthrie in time for the Jazz festival, hopefully they can keep it going for a long time. Wouldn't it be great to have train service from Norman all the way to Stillwater, stopping at Moore, South OKC, OKC-downtown, North OKC, and Edmond along the way. It would be better if it was faster than a speeding bullet. That reminds me, when I worked in London at the Royal Mail, just a short time, but enough to gain some insight into the nuttiness that exists in the civil service in the UK. Anyway, one time I was at the Mount Pleasant sorting office and the guy there told me about the bullet trains that send mail from PO to PO under the streets on London. Then he showed me this vibrator shaped train, a little bit bigger than a man, they could be filled with bags of mail, and then shoot them off to any Post office within the city of London at roughly 500 mph, so he reckoned, and all by air vacume. My butty Jock was with me and he said he would like to try it, so we loaded him up, slammed the airtight doors, and pressed the button. He was gone in no time, but we didn't know where we had sent him because we hadn't been paying attention. I finally found him at the Royal Oak PO, the boss there said he had arrived all nauseous and his trousers were around his ankles, there was no sign of his shirt anywhere, and his hat was just a brim. I got him back to Hounslow PO in time for supper, but he didn't feel too peckish. Never did tell me what he had experienced on the journey.
Got to go...you all have a throbbing weekend, and don't get too lively.....KYTO (keep your tongue out)
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Thursday, September 29, 2005
Aaaaahhhhh! Bliss, I fixed my car in just under one hour, with the help from my wife, of course. I had oil all over me, but the MB is running like a dream, though it still squeaks a bit from one other fan belt. There are three more pulleys on there without as a belt attached so lord knows what they are working. I think it is the AC, but seeing as I have no AC, regardless of the belts, why worry about it....ignorance is bliss!!!!!
A friend of ours stopped in tonight for a visit, Crazy Susie, she has three nipples and delights in telling everyone about it. She also bursts into an operatic version of "Danny Boy" every now and then, she is a blast Right now my wife and Susie are belting out La Vien Rose on the accordion and the concertina, I may jump in and join them with my bagpipes any minute
When I was delivering the mail today I passed by the middle school and all the kids were out. I was listening to them all laughing and having a good time, and remembring my youth, when I knew far less than I do now, and how naive and peaceful life was. I was brought back to earth with the sounds of "hey, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaailman....hey, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaailman, got any letters for me....ha,ha,ha" Oh aren't they sweet, the little KIDS!!!!!!!!
I taught my 13 year old daughter all the amino acids this week, and their chemical structure, and what they do in the body. She is spouting it all off in school and losing friends by the dozen. We sit at the dinner table and before she will eat she has to tell me all about amino acids, her choice not mine. If only I knew something worthwhile I could teach her, like safe-cracking or forgery, oh and how to brew a kick-arse chablis.
Okay I am off, I am incredibly happy, maybe because I have fixed my car, hopefully for good, or maybe it is the wine I am necking back by the quart.....hic!
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
It is now Wednesday and guess what....yep....my piss-pot pile of crap car is broken again.
Nothing too bad this time, I just blew a fan belt, my power steering fan belt, so turning a corner involves the use of both hands, and my left leg, plus a little manouvering with my arse to apply leverage. I found it it had blown off last night on my way to clinic. I drove like a banshee from Britton Rd, down the B'way Ext, onto I-44, onto 39th street and into Warr Acres....didn't even know the thing had busted. Then when I tried to turn right at Ann Arbor and Central Middle School, the car wanted to ge straight, I scared the shit out of a lady in amini van waiting at the light. That was the only good thing about it all, should have seen her face.....priceless. Anyway, tomorrow night I have no class, i will be home early from work and fix the thing. Anyone ever seen 'Fawlty Towers?' A Brit sit-com from the 70's with John Cleese, anyway there is a scene in one of the shows where his car won't start so he beats the poo out of it with a tree branch, while all the time calling it names, the car, not the tree branch. That's what I feel like doing to my pile of shite, on a daily basis.
I am too mad to even be mad at the state of travel here in OKC, I think I need to start a home business and never leave the house. Grow a long beard and stop washing, that way nobody will come and bother me....yeah, that's the ticket........
Public - 9:59 PM - 2 eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email itMonday, September 26, 2005
It is Monday, just got home from my exam in Biochemistry, what a sphincter scruncher of a test. Oh well I guess by this time next week I will know how bad I did. This past week ahs been a bollocks up, arse over boob kind of week. My step-dad over in Ireland has been layed up in hospital due to the after effects of taking a Lipitor pill after his heart attack in August. He was given 10Mg's for 2 weeks and it buggered up his muscles. The Irish doctor reckons that my step-da was the one in a million who has a reaction to the pill. At the mo' he is in ICU at the Galway hospital, my mum is staying at a boarding house across the street. I am beside meself with worry, and totally pissed off at the phone company, or to put it more precisely, COX!
Since August I have been trying to call Ireland, almost every day, at all hours imaginable, with no luck getting through, the phone is always engaged. So last Monday me mum calls me wife and tells her that Tom, me step-dad has been rushed into Galway and is in critical condition. So I call her cell phone, it's 3 am in Ireland by the way, busy signal. So I call her home, busy there too. This is a bit odd I think, so I call the long distance company and ask them what;s going on. They tell me that Cox shut down my long distance coverage in early August, which by the way is not through Cox, and that I did not have long distance. So I ask them why I always got a busy signal when I called. She said, "because the call is not going through." I asked why there wasn't a message telling me that, or better yet why she hadn't told me. She said, "I am not obligated to tell you, and it is nice of me to be telling you now." Oooh it was a right piss up, I was furious, but I kept my cool, and asked her what I could do to get through to Ireland tonight. She gave me a number to ring before I dialed me mum's cell phone.....it didn't work!! The next day my wife called Cox and they were very tarty about it all, no apologies, it was obviously our fault because we are stupid and they have a monopoly. The long distance company was a bit nicer though, and gave us a $10 credit for our trouble, and a working number to call out of the country until Cox pulls it's head out.
So I am in touch with my mum for the first time since my step-dad's raspberry attack. It will be a slow heal, if you are taking Lipitor and experiencing muscle aches, go and see the doctor, it is more prevalent than anyone knows.
Almost got hit by a mini van tonight, and I was parked in a car park at Target. The woman backed up while she was eating a banana, putting on make-up, yelling at her kids, and trying to line up a DVD in her piece of crap mini van. If you drive a mini van and are reading this blog, I am sorry that you are so pitiful and need to drive around in a worthless pile of skank ho dangling fistula's excuse for a vehicle. Go and get a bicycle, it is a lot faster, and cooler looking.
Public - 11:23 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email it
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
I just noticed that my last 2 entries have started with "Well I..." I am aware that this is not good grammar, or very enticing reading and I promise not to do it again.
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Well I got my car back today, I had to turn in the car we rented for two days though, much to my dismay. I had originally rented the cheapest piece of crap that Advantage had to offer, a Kia-satsuma, or malteaser, or something like that, for a grand total of $50 for 2 days, but I got a surprise when I saw the car they had given me. It was a Jeep Liberty, brand shit shiny new, well it had 9,000 miles which is virginal and pure to the likes of me. My car is almost at 300,000, but if it keeps going into the shop for repairs, it will be once more at zero, because I will beat the crap out of it with a shillaleigh. This Jeep had a CD player, air conditioning, a heater (gasp), and locks on all the doors. I got back into my car to go to the clinic and it shook and wobbled, and the fan belt slipped and screeched, and I immediately felt pangs of depression creeping in.
I can see the signs of the new I-40 from the old I-40. Little mounds of dirt going up here and there, the clearing of small businesses from the flight path of the new road, it's going to happen soon, IT always happens, SHhhhhh!
Someone told me today that I didn't look like a forty year old, she was 28 and dispensing drugs at the time she said it, so I highly doubt if she was even looking at me. She may have said that I looked like a fart she once sold, I wasn't really paying attention. I do think I am getting taller though, I used to be shorter than my hair, but now my skin is breaking through.
Look out for hurricane Rita, gas prices will go up even if it wipes out Mexico, which we know has no oil rigs in the gulf, or do they??????
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Saturday, September 17, 2005
Well I am back from Tulsa, my piece of poo car broke down again last night so I had to borrow my wife's car. She needed it for this afternoon, so it was up to Tulsa at 6 am blow the pipes in front of the judge then back home to OKC, I don't know if I won anything, my friend will tell me after.
I must admit I enjoyed the turnippike, being able to travel 84 mph was jubbly. I didn't like the cost though, $3.50 each way, every time I think about it I get so mad I could crush a grape. Still I suppose they have to be able to pay for all those little lines in the road that make your car go, "kthump,krump,kthump,krump.....et al" all the way to Tulsa.
I wore my trousers up there, then changed into my kilt in the car park. I found a nice quiet spot where I could remove my pants in privacy. Just as they were down around my ankles and I was balancing on one foot, along comes a minivan full of old ladies and parked right by me. I jumped into the back seat of the car and landed on my bagpipes, which let out a loud high pitched fart-like sound. It didn't do much for my predicament.
Now I have to get my car fixed again, even my wife said I should get a newer one. I am looking for a 1960's big-arse American car, that's my dream wheels, oh and it will have to come with a shitty-stick, to beat off the girls
Public - 5:21 PM - 2 eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email it
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Oh look, it's Thursday again, my how time flies when you are running all over the place with work and school and clinic, I am plum knackered!!
Let's see.......oh yes I am supposed to be pissed about the state of affairs concerning mass transport in OKC. Well the gas tax vote was on Tuesday last, and it got shot down by the good folks of Okie City. NO NEW TAXES, read my lips....mmmmnoooo mmmmmnnnnnewwwwww mmmmnaaaaxessssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!! Has anyone else noticed an increase in mini-vans on the roads? I swear on my left nipple that there are more of the confounded contraptions driving around. Never get behind a mini-van, even if you are at a light and there are 40 cars in the left lane and just 1 mini van in the right, get in the left lane, I promise you will get through the light before the mini van.
Here's ajoke if anyone is interested
"what do you call a prostitute with her hand down her panties?"
Self-employed!! taaaa-dummmm
I have to drive my crappy old car up to Tulsa this Saturday to compete in a bagpipe tournament. All the way up the Turner turnippike, at a cost of $3.25 each way, I believe. I will be hauling arse at 6 AM so there shouldn't be too many nutcases out on the road. The last time I went on a road trip to play the pipes was over to Batesville, Arkansarse. I had another piper in the car with me. Well we took off as quick as we could after the piping comp, because the county was a dry one, and we had gone over five hours without a drink. So we got to I-40 and started off down the highway like demons. My friend had bought a cup of coffee and was chugging away at it, when I decided to rearrange my seating position, because my kilt had gotten all wadded up under my arse, and was making driving very uncomfortable. So I raised my right cheek, and saw that the chain on my sporren was all wrapped up around the automatic shifter thing in the middle there. Well I yanked a bit, and then scooted my arse over a bit, then gave it one allmighty bejesus of a tug, which pulled the shifter all the way back to 2. The car made a hell of a lunge throwing hot coffee all over my butty in the passenger seat, he screamed and I tried to figure out the mess we were in. At that time we passed a cop sitting by the road, we were doing 28 mph on I-40, so he gave me a ticket for going too slow on a federal highway, $108.....sob! So I will be driving non-kilto there and back.
I saw in the news this week that Shawnee and McAlester had bought 66 miles of disused rail line and were planning on putting in a rail service between the two towns. Now that is forward free thinking by some intelligent folk. Let's wish them bags of luck, and a bit more just for the smell of it.
Public - 7:40 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email itSunday, September 11, 2005
AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about that, I have just been battling with the web over building a resume. My brain hurts, I have been at it all day. MT wife is mad at me, my daughter is mad at me, and I have nothing at all to say about the state of the stinking roads in this city, or how hard it is to get around. I don't even know how much gas is today, I haven't seen the light of day, been stuck here at this @#$%* computer.
I wish i could take this computer to one of the many bad bridges in this county and toss it into the never ending abyss, or at least the creek below.
Well sorry again for my outburst and my lack of adding to this rather dismal blog. I think i will begin to add comedy to this thing starting tomorrow.........
Public - 8:41 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Well it is already Thursday, a week full of work, school and clinic really flies by. My car is in the shop, broken engine mount, if anyone cares. I had to try and get a lift to work yetserday, spent over an hour calling people who were "going my way" and finally found someone who could get me there an hour before I clocked on. I know I sound ungrateful, but I am not, I am just mad at myself for being so enslaved to the automobile. If my car is broke then I have trouble getting to work and school, nothing I do is within walking distance of home. I run 5 miles a day, but I would need cast iron lungs to get to where I need to be ontime, and lugging a 20 lb biochemistry book with me.
We need choices in this city, ways of getting there, when our normal means have let us down. The bus system doesn't go where most people need to go, and if it does, the timing is most often wrong. We are all slaves of the auto, everything being built around us requires the use of a car to get there. Parking lots are gineganormous, making the building we are needing seem like an island amid an ocean of tarmac, with a blazing sun burning a hole in my bald spot.
I will put up with the extra 100 yards or so of walking from train station, or bus stop to where I need to be if I know that the transport to get me there is reliable and consistant. I will pay extra in taxes to keep the cost lower for everyone to use the mass transport. I will suffer the inconvenience of construction in and around the city while the system of transport is put together. I will even put up with the idiotic ideas of state and city government while the idea is being debated. And until the system is in place I will resign myself to relying on my crappy old car.
Public - 10:18 AM - 2 eprops - 3 comments - edit it - email it
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Does anyone know that 61 years ago yesterday Britain declared war on Germany and the whole WWII thing kicked off in earnest?
Just thought I would throw that out because I don't think anyone is reading my blog. To be completely honest I am not really sold on this blog thing anyway. But here I am and my assignment is to run a blog for 8 weeks, and my chosen topic is the amount of, or lack of public transport in OKC. To be more precise the short mindedness of our elected officials in putting together a feasible scheme to construct a rail system in the metro,
I am by no means a well educated or highly articulated fellow, in fact I consider myself rather dull and unambitious. So why I am getting on my soapbox and spouting off about a rail system is beyond me. But if you think the idea of a rail system is ludicrous, or absurd then spout off yourself, and call me any name you like in the process.


Public - 9:59 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Sunday Aug 28th
Gas continues to rise, I am dreading the trip to the gas staion in order to fill up for the comimg school and work week. Does anyone else feel the sadness that I feel, or are you all numb to the daily grind and all it entails?
Anyone thought more about the need for rail? Imagine us having a top class station and depot here in the city, with it's rails gone in order to make way for an elevated highway. No prospect of the rails ever coming back, which is indeed a coincidence in the placement of the highway, not! It sucks and blows at the same time, and smells of corruption and buffoonery.
Public - 5:41 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Xanga
Getting from A to B in OKC
I want to hear people's opinions on how we move around in Oklahoma City, whether it is getting to work, to a sports game, or simply out on a date to the movies or a restuarant. There is a need for more public transport in OKC, if we want to become a city that is thought of on a global scale. I am a big proponent of light rail, or a tram system in OKC, and I think it must be done in order for our city to grow.
Public - 4:21 PM - add eprops - 2 comments - edit it - email it